I had this whole entry read and the internet decided to be dumb. So here we go again!
This entry is going to contain something I've been thinking about for quite a while. It will be at the end.
For starters, a quick update!
In November, Jessica needed to go to the ER again. The doctors loaded her up with pain pills and sent her home. Four days later I dislocated my knee at work and went to the ER. The same doctor and nurse who helped Jessica helped me. It was quite humorous. I took 9 days off of work and about went crazy. Now I remember why I was so upset after the surgery three years ago. Being crippled SUCKS. I had to use crutches at work for a week. That wasn't fun.
In December, Jessica needed to go to the ER again. Well, first we went to Wal-Mart at 4 AM for drugs and THEN we hit the ER. She was in so much pain! Turns out it was just a gas bubble.
We celebrated three years of marriage in December! We spent a weekend together. Two nights in the Providence Inn and one night in the Anniversary Inn. Jessica didn't know we were going to the AI. I put a blindfold on her and surprised the crap out of her! Got it on video, too! The weekend was pure bliss. The bed in the AI was freaking squeaky. Our poor neighbors!
Coming back to reality after the weekend SUCKED.
Last week we went in for IUI #2. We did everything we needed to do. The day before Jessica took a vial of HCG (good-bye $85) and I had all my drugs. Took the, ahem, sample in for the doctors to spin it down. Ten minutes later the doctor comes into the room and asks me if I'd been sick or had an infection. Confused, I answer that I am fine. He says my white blood cell count is sky high, thus making the IUI impractical. Good-bye $300. Here's to next month.
This leads me into my main topic for this entry. I am so grateful my ideas on "God" have recently evolved. If not, I might be beating myself up for not being "worthy" of God's blessings. "Maybe if I paid 15% tithing, read 2 chapters a night, had home evening, family prayer, family scripture time, planted a garden, read the Ensign, read the upcoming lesson, take my neighbors cookies and go to the temple twice a week, God will bless me."
I'd be stressing myself out, pleading with God to help us have a baby. "God's hand is in all things," yeah, right! There are no blessings. Things just happen. Some people pay tithing and mysteriously find money while others go bankrupt. Some people pray for their loved ones in the war and they come home safely while others are sent home in a coffin.
I don't have to jump through hoops anymore. Doing so is like the Native Americans and their rain dances. If it doesn't rain...God didn't want it to. But if it DOES rain...the dance worked.
Reminds me of my black lab, Diesel. He sees I have a treat in my hand when teaching him to do a new trick. He doesn't get what I'm trying to get him to do so he starts doing all the old tricks I taught him, just hoping one of them will earn him that treat. So it is with God.
Anyway. I'm thankful I've come to understand how "God" works. Too bad I didn't earlier, it would have saved me a lot of grief.
....and if the IUIs never work, then next step is to have sex while wearing garments. That's supposed to do the trick ;)